Ugh, I can’t take it anymore! There’s so many things that I feel like doing right now and I’m really missing the warm weather! I am so done with winter. I’m sick of all the white everywhere, everything looking dead, and of course the cold. I immensely miss just being able to slip my feet into a pair of flip flops and hop right out the door without bundling up. I miss the green grass and all of the leafs on the trees, blooming flowers, the sounds of songbirds, the warmth of the sun on my skin, being able to wear my summer dresses & skirts, camping, summer nights, stargazing, and actually just being outside in the sweet, mild summer air. Oh how I would love to lay out in the green grass right now to gaze up at big, puffy clouds! Technically the first day of spring is on March 20th which is only a couple of months away but we all know that it doesn’t work in the ideal way where the first day of spring rolls around the corner and right on that day it automatically becomes lovely outside. As if I wasn’t already consumed by the winter blues I feel bombarded by all of these commercials showing tropical destinations and people joyously frolicking on beaches. *sigh* The other day when I was waking up I lazily drew the curtain back from my window (while still laying in bed) and the sky was so perfectly sunny and blue and for a moment before I stood up and looked at the rest of the scene I had actually forgotten about what season it was.
So besides the warmth I’m really missing photography. I’m so jealous of those portrait and wedding photographers that live out in California and can shoot outside all year long. I suppose that most photographers around here either opt for studio work or just shoot seasonally. But I do really miss it. I feel like I get a bit rusty during the winter. I’m thinking that next time I go up to Jessie’s I should bring my camera and we can do something inside. Really, I don’t care if it’s just something goofy, just as long as it’s SOMETHING!
I think that most of my feeling restless has to do with still being unemployed. I’m just really sick of it. Of never going anywhere or doing anything. It really destroys any traces of self worth I might of had. I hate just sitting around and being unproductive. Even though I don’t have anything to be tired about it seems like I’m tired all of the time. I feel like I could sleep for an eternity. I look for jobs on the internet every night and it just seems like there’s nothing out there or if it’s something good then I’m not qualified for it. I just sent in an application the other day for a casino which I really didn’t want to do (mostly because of smoking in there) but I need something! Let’s just see if they call me or not. I really want to get back out there and live life, especially while I’m young but it keeps coming back to being employed first to be able to afford to go out and do the things I want to do.
O Sarah you can get through it!! It’s hard… I know cause I was there for a while too. I understand how you feel… like you’re not worth anything. But just think that at least you’re not at a job that treats you like crap and you go home every night wishing you weren’t there. At least you can be happy in that way. I hope that some day soon the perfect job jumps into your lap!
We have quite a bit of winter left but I’m sure it will fly by! Before you know it it will be sunny and warm outside.
I hope you find a job soon! It’s tuff out there but you will find one you like. The casino wouldn’t be so bad. Only half of Treasure Island is smoking and you get used to the smell and smoke after a while.
Sounds like a real rough patch, it’s true – and I know you’re probably sick of hearing that things will get better, but they will, I truly believe they will! Being unemployed sure does suck, but you will find something eventually, even if it’s a crappy job that will just carry you over for a while! It’ll be good just for the morale, and then once you’ve managed to save up a bit you’ll be able to look for something better.
Your being tired is totally normal, you know – mental exhaustion is extremely real, and it sounds as if the frustration and depression are eating away at you right now. Do you have any family who live in warmer climes that you could stay with for a bit? It might do you good! If not, though, maybe you should really look into the idea of developing your photography skills in these conditions – work on making things indoors look good and interesting too! If nothing else, maybe it’ll be a good project for passing away the winter.
Thanks girls! I still haven’t heard back from the casino but I’m still hoping they’ll call. I know that when I get a job, even if it’s one I don’t like I will feel better about myself and getting out of the house will do wonders. I’ve been thinking about trying some photography in the house, maybe playing with my flash off camera or something. Of course I don’t have anyone to take photos of though, I’ll just have to figure out self portraits.